I “Chose” This Life
Woke as a babe, with innocence intact
But doesn’t take long for it all to retract
Unveiling of reality, all at once
My loss of innocence in my first couple months
I grew up with my mom and a pop that fled
He called on birthdays, but then he was dead
I didn’t really know him so what’s to miss
I guess the attention brought some temporary bliss
As my teen years came, I wanted to get away
I started dating guys who wanted the same
His smile is charming, the attention is nice
But I never knew that smile came with a price
There were seven guys that came and went
Each one more destructive than I ever dreamt
“I love you,” “You’re Beautiful,” “Let’s go a little farther”
My body felt broken, my heart grew harder
But what can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic
The idea of aloneness made me MORE frantic
He gained my trust and my loyalty grew stronger
Two months of true love, I’d never been fonder
He came to me serious, asking a favor
He said it was a requirement if we wanted to stay together
He couldn’t pay rent, but he had a friend who could pay me
It took me a while to understand what he was saying
I wanted to be there, but my body ached in pain,
What he was asking was completely insane
I told him I couldn’t, because of my past
But when I looked up, I knew it was never an ask
It started with one guys but grew into many
Trick after trick, just to gain a pretty penny
Some were nice, but all were sleazy
At least once a week I ended up bleeding
I wasn’t all bad, praises came with the money
He asked me to move in with him, isn’t that funny
But that made things harder, he expected more
I started to numb and label myself as a whore
I needed his love, he needed my body
It didn't even matter that my self-worth was rotting
We had a deal for two years, it didn’t matter that he played me
Until all was shattered and I was with a baby
He beat me up and left me to die
Saying I wasn’t worth anything, and all was a lie
What can I do, I’m 20 and have no roof over my head
Turning tricks is the only way to get myself a bed
So here I am, 23 and walking
Cars pass by just to see up my stalkings
My three-year-old daughter is what I am here to protect
Her innocence is everything and all I have left.
People they stare at me, with scrutiny and lust
They don’t see my story, they only see my bust
I chose this life, I chose my family
I knew the consequences and where it would land me
If you just took the time to get to know me
You’d see that I’m strong, but also lonely
I am trapped in a cycle, without a way out
No room to give up or even to pout
My daughter needs food and shelter and care
She’s growing up in the reality that life isn’t fair
I need to provide, despite how it’s felt
I’m not giving up, but I could use some help
I challenge you to think about things differently
Any girl on the street, she’s not that unique from me
We all have a story and despite what you think,
I wouldn’t have chosen this if, just once, I wasn’t treated so cheap
-Written by Haley Engle, Rescue America Exit Strategist
